Thursday, October 27, 2011

A sense of self-worth

I came to a realization today.

I no longer hear whispers in my ear saying things like: "You're worthless." "You're rude and overbearing." "You can't make a difference." Satan has given up on those; I have seen too much evidence that exposes those as lies. The love of Terri, my sons, my friends, the community, and Christ Himself have convinced me, imperfect as I am, that I am worthwhile.

But now a new whisper is happening. Fairly insistent lately. Built on the media parade of gloom about politics, money, and anger.

The new whisper is, "Wouldn't you be happier with Terri?"

Well, yes. Of course I would. But that leads to a conclusion and a realization.

First, the conclusion. While fleeing this world for Terri is so very attractive, hastening my death could very easily keep me from her for eternity. It would also cause immense pain to my sons and my friends. How selfish and stupid that would be! Therefore, I will love Terri AND this world by staying here and continuing my walk with Christ.

The realization? That my decision TICKS SATAN OFF. I have become an even higher-value target. Why else would the world expend any effort trying to change my mind?

So, I am going to practice smiling when I hear that whisper. It means that I am on the right track.

I wonder how many people I can love enough that they will become similar - or greater - threats to Satan? I don't know. I think I'll keep walking and see.

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