A sense of self-worth

I came to a realization today.

I no longer hear whispers in my ear saying things like: "You're worthless." "You're rude and overbearing." "You can't make a difference." Satan has given up on those; I have seen too much evidence that exposes those as lies. The love of Terri, my sons, my friends, the community, and Christ Himself have convinced me, imperfect as I am, that I am worthwhile.

But now a new whisper is happening. Fairly insistent lately. Built on the media parade of gloom about politics, money, and anger.

The new whisper is, "Wouldn't you be happier with Terri?"

Well, yes. Of course I would. But that leads to a conclusion and a realization.

First, the conclusion. While fleeing this world for Terri is so very attractive, hastening my death could very easily keep me from her for eternity. It would also cause immense pain to my sons and my friends. How selfish and stupid that would be! Therefore, I will love Terri AND this world by staying here and continuing my walk with Christ.

The realization? That my decision TICKS SATAN OFF. I have become an even higher-value target. Why else would the world expend any effort trying to change my mind?

So, I am going to practice smiling when I hear that whisper. It means that I am on the right track.

I wonder how many people I can love enough that they will become similar - or greater - threats to Satan? I don't know. I think I'll keep walking and see.

The salad fork guys...

...that's what I call the demons too short to handle a pitchfork, so they're issued salad forks instead.

I imagine that they sit on your shoulder and whisper in your ear.

What I'm hearing lately:

"This would have never happened if you were a decent doctor." "You've got a duty to do more - you're so blessed; volunteer more! What are you doing resting?" "You're ignoring your family - volunteer less. What are you, heartless?" "You better not waste a single day, since your wife is gonna die soon." "Why are you acting so strange? Have you given up on your wife? Isn't she going to pull through this? Where is your faith?"

In other words, everything I do is wrong, and I'm a piece of crap.

Well, don't worry about me - I'm fine. I recognize these lies for what they are - taking my eyes off Christ. As long as I walk in praise, I'll do all I can (including appropriate Sabbaths), and God will handle the rest.

But I wish those little salad fork guys would get out of town for a while. They're annoying.

--Ken