I have been describing my current feelings as riding an emotional bungee cord, which in my reading, is typical for grieving spouses. My mood goes from peace to anxiety, joy to weeping, with very little ability on my part to control it. I usually hit both extremes part of every day.
Tonight, though, during my hospice "Grieving Spouses" workshop, I realized just how true that is...
...and that it is a source of comfort.
I had posted on Facebook a long time ago that the bond - the covenant - between Terri and myself could never be broken; but, stretched from here to Heaven, it tugged painfully. What is a bungee cord if not stretchable?
So - the bungee cord I am riding is not a torture device; it is a lifeline, provided by God when He blessed our marriage, and guaranteed not to break if I do not cut it. Like a bungee cord, the bounces will dampen with time; and eventually, I will be pulled up to peace and safety, where I can say, "that ride was terrifying at times, but I did it!"
And then I will enjoy the party for all eternity.
All of our Christian relationships are like that - ESPECIALLY our relationship with Christ. The saints that have gone before us are minding the safety lines; all we need do is love, and savor the moments of joy that the ride provides us. My Grandmother and Grandfather; Terri's Mom; and many others are adding strands of strength to that holy cord that keeps me from falling.
So, two words of advice:
First, keep your hands off the scissors. The pain of the ride is NOTHING as bad as the pain of cutting loose and free falling.
Second, Christ has asked his disciples to hand out extra cords. I've got plenty; you want one?